the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize