No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
