You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
