I want to have your abortion
false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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