I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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