i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
