I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
