I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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