Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
