Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
