You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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