Pappa wants mamma naked
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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