It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
