He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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