I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
