Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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