I'm so fucking centered right now
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
