I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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