So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dear god my vagina.
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