I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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