Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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