I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
