4 words: hood of his car
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
