sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
