Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
