Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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