Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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