Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
