Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
