I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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