Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
