I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
whose ass print is on the piano?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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