my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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