He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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