I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
