my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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