i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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