I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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