shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
