I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
