Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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