R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Congratulations! We have a period
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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