so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
