I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
