he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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