He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
