bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
