The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
