If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
