Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I need a burrito and a hug.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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