did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
