Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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