I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think my moral compass just broke
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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