Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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