There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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