you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
