so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
