Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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