I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
