you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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