Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize