If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
two words...techno handjob
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
