I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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