The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
