I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
